


Everything Comes Back to You

by orphan_account



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Canonical Character Death, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 13:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8329864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Long nights and past regrets won't bring him back.





	

Fresh snow crunched underneath Oswin's boots as he walked. The air around him was quiet, the usual monstrosities in the night finding themselves elsewhere in the Highlands. While that usually scared him in the cold nights of Coerthas, for once it was welcome. It was one less thing to worry about as he finished the last leg of his journey.

 _“To ye who ask of things to come: Give thought to what is past and gone.”_ Such was the wisdom of a Belah'dian poet, according to the servant in the Fortemps Manor. He was a sweet man, the kind that always kept an eye out for the ones he served, because there was the difference in the Fortemps family from the rest of Ishgard's houses; they all cared about each other deeply, and their servants received the same treatment as any other person. The servant in question could tell there had been a lot on Oswin's mind, and in the end, even he himself couldn't deny it or his feelings any longer.

At first he had thought to just let it go. Oswin had never been one for the literary arts, considering he could barely read himself. He had just been a gladiator of Ul'dah, finding no need for a luxury such as reading or writing. His talents lie in how well he could swing a sword, or how quickly he could knock an opponent out with his fist.

Every once in a while, though, he'd hear something from someone else that struck him to his very core, and the words of that poet were no different. They ran circles around each other in Oswin's head as he tried to sleep at night, reminding him again and again just how lonely he was these days, lying by himself in a cold bed. So finally, after a great deal of thought he had packed his things and left a simple note to the others, giving them the general idea of the places he'd be.

Of course, things never went as smoothly as that. Though it wasn't too long ago-but Twelve above, did it feel like a lifetime now-Oswin had forgotten just how much had happened, and the places he'd found himself in along the way of his...adventures.

He found himself wandering Ishgard's city for some time, before moving his way into Falcon's Nest and the Highlands once again. Of course, all of the people he'd met recognized him right away, immediately inviting him into their homes for a drink, or a meal, or some time to spend together to share a story or two. Oswin had indulged them all because in the end, he was their Warrior of Light, and he felt like he owed it to them. Every soul he'd touched was just as lonely as he was, and the company they were eager to offer helped ease his own pains, for as short as the time it offered was.

Time went on as he went out farther and farther, into the Forelands with the Gnath and Tailfeather, and eventually into the mountains with the sky Moogles, who so happened to be hosting the presence of Kan-E-Senna herself. He paid a visit to Camp Cloudtop shortly after, figuring he owed Laniatte a visit, to let her know everything was okay with her family. Up in the skies is where he stayed for quite some time, finding himself back in the Churning Mists where he camped underneath the stars in the same spot he and Alphinaud and the others had stayed, not quite so long ago.

Somehow from there, and a few airship rides later he found himself back into the City-States, spending the nights in their inns as he visited Raubahn and found the Sultana in her common citizen disguise shortly afterwards. A short visit for Admiral Merlwyb was soon to follow, before Oswin found himself in Gridania to visit Y'shtola's sister and see how they were doing.

Shortly thereafter, Oswin was in Mor Dhona again, sharing the company of the Scions in their little home in the Rising Stones. It was only then when Alphinaud pointed out when he had last written his letter for the Fortemps' Manor Oswin realized just how long he had been out there. In all reality, though, Oswin was at the end of his journey, one the others had so lovingly referred to his as his Journey of Self Reflecting. His last stop was Azys Lla, really, and Idyllshire. The last two places that really marked the end of his journey. The two places where he hoped he could finally find his peace and move on.

Oswin didn't know if he could ever move on in the end, though. The last few steps towards the protruding marble in the bank of snow built up around it was always a concrete reminder that he just _couldn't._

Those last few steps, and how the world seemed to still around him, his body going numb as his senses stopped working for him... He sank to his knees, the snow billowing out from underneath him as he slumped into himself.

“It's been a while,” he managed to say after a beat, a halfhearted smile on his lips as he reached out to trace _Haurchefant Greystone_ carved unto the marble's surface. “I've been out,” he continued quietly, “visiting all of those places you and I used to visit, seeing old friends...”

His voice cut off, and he looked down at his hands, his gaze taking a moment to slide along the stone to where he noticed something at the base of the grave. It seemed to be a fresh bouquet of blue Nymeia lilies, ones like the flowers he had found, strangely, in Azys Lla.

A part of him wondered who put them there. A part of him didn't. He brushed the snow away from them nonetheless, putting his own bouquet of roses beside them, propping them gently upon the grave's surface. Haurchefant's shield seemed to be stuck to the stone, ice growing around the cold metal and forming a bond with the grave that looked impossible to break. Oswin supposed that was for the best, for how often he disturbed the memorial and hugged the shield to himself. He had been reaching out for the shield at that very moment, even considered trying to break the ice, but he relented.

Oswin sighed, his gaze sliding up to find the pillars of Ishgard in the distance. He remembered when he had first laid eyes on them, walking across that bridge that seemingly had no end, Alphinaud clinging to one leg and Tataru hugging the other. It'll all be over soon, Haurchefant's words echoed in his head, as crisp and clear as though he had heard them only yesterday. _It'll all be over soon, and everything will be okay._

Everything would be okay, his ass. Everyone kept trying to say that, even now, with a grave at Oswin's feet and so many more left behind and even more to come. Everything was not okay, and Oswin didn't want to smile about the good things that had come to pass, the peace they'd managed to make for themselves. Oswin wanted to relent, he wanted to recede somewhere dark and warm where no one would ever bother him again.

He wanted to shrivel up and die.

In the end, though, he knew Haurchefant would never allow that. From the very first day they had met, that was all Haurchefant did. He doted over Oswin, making sure he wasn't too cold, too hungry, too anxious over his self imposed responsibilities. From day one, even though they had barely gotten to know each other at the time, Haurchefant had stepped into Oswin's life and actually took care of him. When everything in the world was too much for Oswin to handle, he always knew he had a safe refuge in the arms of his soon to be lover. Haurchefant had been a shoulder to cry on, a vessel of nothing but good and pure things. Someone who never berated Oswin over his choices and actions, only instead to hold Oswin's hand and stay by his side as the repercussions happened. Haurchefant always knew what to say and what to do. Haurchefant genuinely _cared_ about Oswin's wellbeing as the Warrior of Light.

Oswin clenched a fist, holding it tight against his mouth. He always came back here in the end. To this very spot physically and mentally. Everyone did their best to try and encourage Oswin to move on, to put himself before others and what they did so he could relax and heal. But in the end, everything always came back to here. Just when he thought he had moved on, that maybe he could find a little peace...

In the end, Oswin just couldn't. He had tried, and Twelve, he had tried so hard, though. He made sure he was the one to avenge Haurchefant. He made sure Haurchefant's family was safe, his city and his home. Oswin had strived to achieve things he knew Haurchefant would have wanted him to do. For crying out loud, he'd saved the world from a group of people from another damned universe! How that was even possible, he didn't know, but he'd done it. All in the hopes he could find his find his inner salvation.

But in the end, he just didn't.

Oswin's gaze found the gravestone once again, and he offered it a sad, quivering smile. “I don't know why I keep doing this,” he muttered, scooting closer to the cold stone, reaching out to press a shaking hand against the cold surface of the grave. “I always know I'll be alone when I get here. I know you're gone,” he continued, his voice barely a whisper and lost to the wind. “What's done is done, and I should keep moving forward, but I can't. I just can't.”

He knew he was a failure for thinking that way, for saying such things. He knew it was wrong, that he couldn't move on. But Twelve, did he try. Every time his ring from Haurchefant glittered in the moonlight, every time he thought he heard the man's voice calling his name, only to turn around and see that he was still alone...it was just so easy to lose his composure. For every lost moment in Haurchefant's room and catching his fading scent in the air, for every sad look in the chocobo's eyes that Haurchefant used to care for, it was just easy to remember what Oswin had had, and how he had lost it all.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a stress fic. Honestly something that's been sitting with me for over a year, and with the closure of Heavensward, I felt now was appropriate to write something in Haurchefant's memory. I'm not over it still lmao, but like I said, stress fic is a stress fic. Oswin is also my Warrior of Light and original character, so please don't use his image (though there's not much of it) elsewhere without permission.


End file.
